money minded

Happiness. Whatever we do, however we do, if we generalize it, the end result is happiness.What we all want is happiness.
'Happiness is a state of mind'-is something I've come across many times.Agreed.
For me, the movie "The pursuit of happyness" has stayed ever since.That its a pursuit of happiness and we can't give up the pursuit.It's what keeps us going.
That apart what I'm going to write about is money and happiness.They say money can't buy happiness.I disagree.Maybe...it won't buy us happiness as in state of mind, neverthelessly it does gives us the means of achieving them.And so I'm not at all shrewd if I want a lucrative career.Sometimes I think its so unlike me, but I've begun to understand things.The way society functions and that money is an intrinsic part of it.My parents had always taught me that in a family harmony and peace matters-directly quoting- 'even if we have salt and onions to eat'.Maybe but then we can eat and dress well and yet live in harmony.
So I'm not at all wrong if I want all the things money can buy.I wanna go see the world, get a home theatre, buy any book(without thinking how it'd effect the month's budget) or any movie I want to, eat wherever I want to.Take my parents on a world tour...all the things they missed because 'we' were there.Take my grandparents on a flight.....ah....the list goes on...and all of it needs money and when I'd have it I'd be happy.Maybe it won't last more than a moment but if money can buy me that one moment than so be it.
I join the crusade Miss Rand.

I can't defend it better than Ayn Rand nor describe it. so in her own words:
excerpt from Atlas Shrugged(read here) :
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

cribbings......part 1

Di's reading all these blogs these days and I can't help take a peep now and then.And it's as if the whole world's blogging and even though I hate to admit it, they are pretty good, in fact better in a lot more ways.Enough trying with words...Everyone's writing better than me...there I said it and it doesn't at all feel good.To di,I give excuses.Excuses that vary from,"They are all older to me(even a few months wud do!!)" to "Instis change you and I'm not in the league of those from elite iits,nits or iims" and blah blah blah.This and that.But you know what the truth is - I'm plain jealous.

There's more to it.The acknowledgment of the fact that they did it and I didn't.I didn't lack either in opportunities or means.I don't have any excuses.I had my chance and I screwed it.Thats it.I defend myself to others ...sometimes to myself...but deep within I know the truth.

I remember when I'd first read Tagore's Lipika, I knew I would never make a writer ... not unless I could write like that and I wasn't sad.The world won't miss me.I stopped scribbling for a while but then I went back to it again.Sometimes just to vent my anger when I can't take it out on anyone.Sometimes just to pass time.Sometimes so that the thought wont go away.Sometimes 'cos I want to lock that feeling in paper so that I could relive it. I've my reasons to write.... maybe just for you to read!.....whatever!

So I'd continue with my ramblings,with my limited non-pursuer-of-mba/gre vocab.Bear with me if you want to.

Insomniac

I'm not a tad confused..I'm in a terrible state-one of utter confusion and chaos.
Suffering from insomnia from the last three days.I'm telling you...'tis a worst state...lights switched off...everyone around you sleeping peacefully....but not you....turning sides...imagining every possible thing to lull u to sleep....but,na...it wont come....time flows by....u suddenly hear the chirping birds....temple's bells....sweepers brooms swaying over roads in gentle sweeps.....and all this time u r praying desperately,waiting for sleep to come.Sleep meanwhile is amusing itself watching u twitch and twirl but it won't give in .... not till the wee hours of morning.

Lying there surrounded with darkness I can't elude from myself.It is as if someone's waiting and it attacks you brutally.Your mistakes confront you with a furor.And what can you do with it....you are helpless....you no longer try to evade the truth,your defences fall,ur excuses exhausted,and in dat darkness u take it all as it comes..... when you are bound to be answerable - - to ur own self.

But does accepting your guilt makes it any less.The loss it has caused...the past which is gone...the deed which is done...the words already said...wheels set in motion.The only thing left is the outcome,the result whatever it is-if it's to your liking or not.You don't have a choice here.

I make plans.On what I should do and I promise myself I'll do it.execute them this time...no more mistakes....

sleep comes...

dawn's past...

it's noon....

it's day.My defences have raised.I've got all my excuses in line.
And I continue with my life.

I say to myself,"I'm a human and to err is human"
Yet another excuse!

Hopeless case,can't help.

Watch out for these!!!

Movies(bollywood!) go by starcast rather than a good script as is seen lately.But somehow a movie with a good script will always find a chord.It may not be a hit but it does affect us.And ya we...here in bollywood....we make good movies (the number is less ) too.Not just song and dance and drama stuff but the real thing.
There are movies lesser known but those which mark their presence neverthelessly.I've not seen many of them ('cos its difficult to get hold of a copy!) but these few were really good.They aren't in any specific order as I remembered maybe.And I'm no critic.

To start with Deepa Mehta's trilogy Fire, Earth and Water - three movies each one as moving and as sparkling as how to use the medium of motion picture to reveal.Excellent movies,minute details taken into account.They possess that ability to move you.My personal favorite is Earth, just remembering it gives me shivers even today.It had a superb direction,actors couldn't have done more justice to the roles and rehmaan's music was additional touch.Water was no less, subtly shown which is in accordance with its title and yet evokes a cry.The best thing in both the movies was perhaps the point of view.Earth was told through the eyes of Lenny- an eight-year-old parsee girl.Similarly water had chuhiya- a seven-year-old child widow.Maybe as it was narrated through children....the facts were like they should....unadulterated....left for us to decide.There were moments of warmth as well well as chill.Definitely worth watching.

Aparna Sen's Mr and Mrs Iyer(won the national award) and 15 Park Avenue.I'm yet to see movies by this director.I've watched two and I loved them.Watch them if u've not.

Raincoat, Chokher Bali, The Last Lear ,all directed by Rituparno Ghosh were worth watching .Chokher Bali by Rabindranath Tagore,was portrayed quite effectively(but then I love Aishwarya!)....we find glimpses of poetry in many scenes.Raincoat was better of the two,feel film critics...but then I'm not a judge...I loved both.I'd read 'gift of maggi' , from which Raincoat was inspired and it was a good movie.Aish again and Ajay Devgan played the roles brilliantly and I fell in love with the songs by Shubha Mudgal.The more recent one,The Last Lear was yet another example that the directors weaves magic.Amitabh Bachchan,Preity Zinta,Shefali Shetty,Arjun Rampal...well....another good movie.

Monsoon Wedding, by Mira Nair.I've seen just one Mira Nair's and it was pretty good.Various issues taken into account.A good direction with a superb acting.

Anurag Kashyap is definitely worth watching out for.DevD with its so hatke script.loved it.And then there was Gulaal.Look out for Piyush Mishra's songs.Excellent screenplay.different form normal.

Other than these there were several other mainstream movies.Madhur Bhandarkar's
Chandni Bar, Satta, Page 3, Corporate were good eye-openers.

Welcome to Sajjanpur, Oye Lucky lucky oye were two very good watchable satires.

I also liked Rajkumar Santoshi's Damini and Lajja-pretty strong feministic movies.

Mitr-my friend(by Revathi),Astitva(Mahesh Manjrekar),Jaago(Mehul Kumaar),
Parzania (Rahul Dholakia),Being Cyrus were quite appealing.

I'll keep updating if I manage to watch more or remember any other.keep watching :)

Devil's Advocate

I saw this movie today,'The devil's advocate'.It had an excellent starcast(Al Pacino,
Keanu Reaves and Charlize Theron) and a more excellent script.

These were dialogues between devil and kevin(my favourite!)

************************************
God?

I'll tell you...

...let me give you
a little inside information about God.

God likes to watch.

He's a prankster.

Think about it.

He gives man...

...instincts.

He gives you this extraordinary gift,
and then what does He do?

I swear, for his own amusement...

...his own private, cosmic...

...gag reel...

...He sets the rules in opposition.

It's the goof of all time.

Look, but don't touch.

Touch, but don't taste.

Taste, but don't swallow.

And while you're jumping from one foot
to the next, what is He doing?

He's laughing his sick, fucking ass off!

He's a tightass!

He's a sadist!

He's an absentee landlord!

Worship that? Never.

***********************************************

no mor(e)teen

24th aug' 07

This birthday put an end to my "teen-age".So now I've stepped onto the(much awaiting,was it???) adult world - completely.My left foot's no more holding to the last vestige of childhood.And as I entered into this world I couldn't help reminisce the poem by Margaret Lawrence,"Am I a child or an adult?"

Am I a child or an adult ?
No ! Not a child now - my dolls are gone;
My dream world has rippled away.
I am tall, I understand adult talk,
But does that mean that I am an adult ?

Am I an adult or a child ?
No ! Not an adult – I couldn’t look after myself;
The understanding is just not there.
I pay a half fare on a bus to school,
But does that mean that I am a child ?

Am I a child or an adult ?
No ! Not a child now - it’s not a teddy I love;
His cherished position is taken.
Just because my toys have lost their value,
Does that mean that I am an adult?

Am I an adult or a child ?
No ! Not an adult - I do not see
The reasons for adult disputes;
I am safe in non- understanding.
But does that mean that I am a child?

Well, am I a child or an adult ?
No ! Not one or the other now;
One pace in front of childhood,
And one behind an adult.
Soon I shall stride into a new world,
The world of adult life.

Well,I'm no more in a confusion ,Miss Lawrence and sadly I'm wondering if I should ever have come out of that confusion.
na...I was pretty safe in non-understanding.

Back then,when I was in school,there was too much hype about teen-age.We were having all these counseling sessions and there was this fear(amongst teachers and parents!) of how to get us through that crucial adolescent stage.Though now I wonder, I never had any problem,in fact, I was waiting with a tinge of anticipation for whatever mysteries this - neither black nor white but not widout its fair share of grey(as we were told back then) - age was going to unfold.
I was dissapointed :(

It didn't even knock and exited as silently as it had entered.

And now what should I do - mourn for its passing away?

No...it doesn't deserve anything bleak but then what can I name it?

I'll tell you how I feel(though it sounds crap even to my own ears!).I feel like Arjuna completing my gurukul (I've not yet but I ain't getting any suitable word) and stepping into the world armed with my bow and quiver full of arrows thinking I could win this world.
I'm in a state of bliss...ignorant,unaware of the ordeals life has set for me.
There's an apprehension though ,and a faint hope that I may be saved ,that I may not be bound to trod into the kurukshetra. Comeon there is enough to do without that!
At least I don't wanna face my near and dear ones with arms.
But deep down a voice reminds-Isn't that supposed to be your karmabhumi(now where did this come from?)It spake thus,"You can try but u can't evade it."

And I cry....Help me out God.Ya ya I know I shouldn't be asking him....he'll help only himself.....history'll repeat...Krishna never helped Arjuna out.Nay...he didn't.

Leave it,I'll survive somehow.

Anyways the word "safe in non-understanding" has remained with me all these years.Though I wouldn't say I didn't love the growing up part.I learnt a lot and slowly through all these years(mostly the last three years) everything opened up with a much more clarity.Finally the sun was making its way through the fog and I was being embraced by a warmth-an understanding of and about so many things.

Suddenly I looked at at the world with a little less hate,a little more forgiveness...a little less anger,a little more patience...a little less mouth(ing),a little more ear(s)...maybe a little less love but loads n loads of understanding....

I stooped down a bit lower from superlative to comparative and in some cases positive degree.There weren't many bests and ya.. neither worsts but something good and many things better.I found many answers though they were not all perfect.No doubt many more questions arose...questions which were no more simple...and so I'd to optimize the solutions.I learned acceptance,I learned to adapt and blah blah blah....

And so ends another phase of my life.