Musings

"These are best unattended to.",quipped she.She knew that given time and patience it'd generally subside...it always does.It started as an ache-an ache she wanted to linger.A bittersweet pain.It'd have lead to two entirely opposite but equally strong pathos.Either a zenith elevating pleasure or a deep plunge into the abyss of pain.She knew what awaited her...

Excerpts

I ain't feeling like writing but I do want to put up something here.So instead of thinking/using my own mind I'll just be a plagiarist and put up some quotes/excerpts.They are in no particular order or subject.But they are words-words which never fails to evoke an emotion watever it maybe.

"But suicide's a special language.Like carpenters they want to know which tools.
They never ask why build."
-Anne Saxton
Wanting to Die

"The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort:with it a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night."
-Friedrich Nietzsehe

"...the air was cold and sad,the river dark and dim,the whole scene like a lifeless desert.
Waste forces within him,and a desert all around,this man stood still on his way across a silent terrace,and saw for a moment,a mirage of honorable ambition,self-denial,and perseverance.In the fair city of his vision,there were airy galleries from which loves and graces look upon him,gardens in which the fruits of life hung ripening,water of Hope that sparkled in his sight.A moment,and it was gone."
-A Tale of Two Cities
Charles Dickens

"How could I've ever longed for amnesia?Memory- capricious and unreliable though it is,ultimately carries its own truth within it.As long as there is memory,there's always the possibility of retrieval,as long as there is memory,loss is never total."
-Small Remedies
Shashi Deshpande

"The Moving Finger writes;and,having writ,
Moves on:nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your tears wash out a Word of it."
-Omar Khayyam

"We,inIndia,think quickly,we talk quickly and when we move,we move quickly...Episode follows episode, and when our thoughts stop our breath stops, and we move on to another thought.This was and still is the ordinary style of our story-telling."
-Preface to Kanthapura
Raja Rao

"Other than my own soul I never found a faithful friend
Other than my own heart I never found a confidant."

-The Baburnama

nursery rhymes and patriotic songs

We had low voltage last night-the entire of last night.After bouts of thunder,lightning and drizzle(not rain!) we were subjected to "low voltage".This was a first time in here.The last time I'd seen such low voltage was in village.Anyways it was an all time low as in no tubelights ...forget pc...we had the fan on though(summer and power cut is the worst combi!).And so because there was nothing else we could have done...I wasn't going to study about microwaves in a candle...no way.And sleep toh has its own nakhras. Her royal highness won't come if it ain't completely dark and cool and tired and godknowsnotwhat constraints.So we(myself and di) started talking/gappe marooing on topics ranging from love,sex to books,music...ethics...custom traditions blah blah.Whatever we found.

By the time it was five am someone had started the topic on rhymes.And so we were trying to prove who remembered the most.
And so there it was starting with twinkle twinkle,johny johny,hickory dickory dock,higledy pigledy my black hen,pussy cat,ba ba black sheep,jack and jill,ding dong bell,mary had a little lamb,I'm a little teapot,one two buckle my shoe,rain rain go away,london bridge is falling down,hot cross buns,humpty dumpty,ring a ring a rosies,little miss muffet.Well, these were some that we came up with.Links for those who wanna refresh!!

(I don't think anyone has forgotten twinkle twinkle or johny johny :) For those who have-google it)

And then I remembered all those patriotic songs that were an intricate part back in school days.Being a kv-ian we had our fair dose of patriotism and these songs played a major part.I managed to remember the entire national anthem and vande mataram but I stumbled in all others including the famous sare jahan se achcha.Found the original lyrics in wikipedia.
Ther were some more of which I could barely remember the mukhda.Looked out for some of them.Ya,I love google!For those who wants to relive those memories a bit:

sarfaroshi ki tammana
ae watan ae watan
jahaan daal dal par
ab tumhare hawale watan
mere desh ki dharti
bharat ka rehna wala hoon
nanha munna rahi hoon
hind desh ke nivasi
hum sab bhartiya hain
vijayi vishwa tiranga pyara

*can't find link for some.found in school diary

A free verse

Inside me,
a boiling rage,
against all 'things' done and all 'words' said.

Inside me,
an imprisoned voice,
not afraid to speak aloud thoughts.

Inside me,
an unknown fear,
of confronting the past-the unfiltered past.

Inside me,
a building apprehension-
hesitating in approaching you,
for I've not righted my wrongs (yet)

Same inside me,
a burning ache,
to hold thee and to be held by thee.

Inside me,
an unshed tear; a suppressed laugh,
searching reason for their existence.

Inside me,
myriad thoughts and expressions,
unable to find words.

And inside me,
a complacent acceptance,an acknowledgment
of who and what I am.

cribbings....part 2

'Confusion' has become a permanent stable state and seldom there occurs a transition to that other quasi stable state.(This proves I've read monostable multivibrators yesterday.Its volatile and I hope I'll retain it at least till my sems-that being the sole reason of studying)

Anyways not here to discuss multivibrators.I am confused(as always and tell me who isn't?)

There's a quote in my room(handwritten and put by me) which reads:

"You have to do what you have to do,to do what you want to do."
-The Great Debaters

And I was wondering and its so damn confusing.I don't know what I want to do(as in I'm not sure whether that's the best/right thing for me).I don't know what I don't want to do(as in whether/if I can, will I be happy?).A few days ago my younger sis brought up the topic of NFTE.I hadn't heard of such an abbreviation related to engg. means I know of red dots,black dots etc. but NFTE....no idea.So she clarified-NFTE stands for Not Fit for Technical Education and its a certificate issued by university.
I cried foul....I've not yet been awarded that.And its no surprise that my siblings agreed.I definitely deserve that.There's still hope-I have another year left :)

Of all ages this hell of economic depression/recession had to befall on us.As one of my frnd says-'we' are the 'choosen one.'

Dearth of jobs....sadly no dearth of expectations(others)-level hasn't lowered even.

What are we gonna do?????No Idea.

I tried to talk/reason with ma about this great economic recession and she repeated the same thing over again that getting a job won't matter to someone who knows her studies(and it means me!!!wow!).Good joke.I don't know how I'm gonna explain this to her that I suck in all subjects(correction:subjects suck) and I've screwed almost all my papers(barely managed to clear) and the fact that I don't regret(really nish ???) any of it.

I've no idea where this post is going....better I stop before it becomes a pathetic "Dear Diary" one.

P.S:I love my dear diary.

Farewell to seniors

This one finds an entry 'cos I've spent d last few days googling on the title and failed to find a satisfying result.
We started out on an electronix note (Teachers pls consider this when u r conducting viva next tym :).We surely hoped to make an impression(selfish motive)!) -

For our seniors-

Some of ur qualities got amplified,
Some got attenuated,
You bore everything wid a negative resistivity,
Our relationship will stay,undoubtedly a Time Invarient System,
We hope..no we'll just try(against all odds) to be ur delayed version
And finally we hope ur future will be a ramp output or a full wave rectifier output.

(Di came up wid the above in record time (love u,think tank) and asked me to rhyme it which I didn't/couldn't 'cos I didnt have time/I didn't bother.I (just) read it.Anyways can't resist the temptation of putting it down here!)

So,here are a few ideas (for those whose life depends on google and wiki!)

>> slide show(this one's a must and really steals the show,reliving memories-we'd included some funny and uncensored ones :))

>> shayari or poem which includes everybody's name(we missed this one...S to blame)

>> confession/Thanks?Farewell hour:They get to share/confess/offer thanks anything ....

>> choices of songs-you get easily in yahoo answers:

English:

Time Of Your Life - Greenday
Seasons In The Sun - Westlife
Goodbye - Spice Girls
Best Days of My Life - Jesse McCartney
My Sacrifice - Creed
My Wish - Rascal Flatts

Hindi:(the usual stuff)

Kabhi alvida na kehna(old is gold!)
I gonna miss my college days
Yaaron dosti....(kk)
Purani Jeans aur Guitar
Hum rahen ya na rahe(indian idol !)
Ye pal hume yaad ayenge(Fame Gurukul)
Kaash ye pal tham jaaye(Jal)
Happy days(I know its not hindi!!!)

>> had dem fill out a form with questions like best dressed,bookworm of the batch,chatter-box of the batch,mr cool etc(The prizes for each category was innovative-credit to hostel gals :)-like chatter box got a cello tape,best smile got a close-up,miss photogenic got a mirror etc...)

Most of these were undoubtedly cliches...but we really had a gr8 time 2day...because the best thing was emotions and feelings were genuine and sincere.(and we put up an honest effort 2day)

To all my seniors-we really are gonna miss you!!

Adieu.


PS:I didn't do any work!Here its 'we' as in our whole branch.

posted-deleted-posted again.
doesn't at all sound like a sensible verse but hey it took me two whole hours to pull this out...
it's childish...but then its mine...I definitely can't resist putting it here.

Answer to someone's question...

As in feet,as in hand,Little Indians got buried in sand.Unique number's missing,Third even & third odd went searching.Three occurs twice,Six at a price of thrice.Rest seven are present,Though sum total's absent.
So,guessed all ur numbers,right?Sway further holding them tight.'cos it's not yet over,Till u put them in an order.
Holds first and one but last,A cat has this many lives to pass.Four's & five's are consecutivesSo are eight's and nine's,Joined for about twenty livesAre five's and eight's-the Siamese twins!
Reverse 2nd odd and 2nd evenPut them now just before seven.Append with a null,Hope it wasn't so dull.
Take all ur time,as i took mine,failing though,'in my search for rhyme.

money minded

Happiness. Whatever we do, however we do, if we generalize it, the end result is happiness.What we all want is happiness.
'Happiness is a state of mind'-is something I've come across many times.Agreed.
For me, the movie "The pursuit of happyness" has stayed ever since.That its a pursuit of happiness and we can't give up the pursuit.It's what keeps us going.
That apart what I'm going to write about is money and happiness.They say money can't buy happiness.I disagree.Maybe...it won't buy us happiness as in state of mind, neverthelessly it does gives us the means of achieving them.And so I'm not at all shrewd if I want a lucrative career.Sometimes I think its so unlike me, but I've begun to understand things.The way society functions and that money is an intrinsic part of it.My parents had always taught me that in a family harmony and peace matters-directly quoting- 'even if we have salt and onions to eat'.Maybe but then we can eat and dress well and yet live in harmony.
So I'm not at all wrong if I want all the things money can buy.I wanna go see the world, get a home theatre, buy any book(without thinking how it'd effect the month's budget) or any movie I want to, eat wherever I want to.Take my parents on a world tour...all the things they missed because 'we' were there.Take my grandparents on a flight.....ah....the list goes on...and all of it needs money and when I'd have it I'd be happy.Maybe it won't last more than a moment but if money can buy me that one moment than so be it.
I join the crusade Miss Rand.

I can't defend it better than Ayn Rand nor describe it. so in her own words:
excerpt from Atlas Shrugged(read here) :
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=1826

cribbings......part 1

Di's reading all these blogs these days and I can't help take a peep now and then.And it's as if the whole world's blogging and even though I hate to admit it, they are pretty good, in fact better in a lot more ways.Enough trying with words...Everyone's writing better than me...there I said it and it doesn't at all feel good.To di,I give excuses.Excuses that vary from,"They are all older to me(even a few months wud do!!)" to "Instis change you and I'm not in the league of those from elite iits,nits or iims" and blah blah blah.This and that.But you know what the truth is - I'm plain jealous.

There's more to it.The acknowledgment of the fact that they did it and I didn't.I didn't lack either in opportunities or means.I don't have any excuses.I had my chance and I screwed it.Thats it.I defend myself to others ...sometimes to myself...but deep within I know the truth.

I remember when I'd first read Tagore's Lipika, I knew I would never make a writer ... not unless I could write like that and I wasn't sad.The world won't miss me.I stopped scribbling for a while but then I went back to it again.Sometimes just to vent my anger when I can't take it out on anyone.Sometimes just to pass time.Sometimes so that the thought wont go away.Sometimes 'cos I want to lock that feeling in paper so that I could relive it. I've my reasons to write.... maybe just for you to read!.....whatever!

So I'd continue with my ramblings,with my limited non-pursuer-of-mba/gre vocab.Bear with me if you want to.