Thursday, January 22, 2009

cribbings......part 1


Di's reading all these blogs these days and I can't help take a peep now and then.And it's as if the whole world's blogging and even though I hate to admit it, they are pretty good, in fact better in a lot more ways.Enough trying with words...Everyone's writing better than me...there I said it and it doesn't at all feel good.To di,I give excuses.Excuses that vary from,"They are all older to me(even a few months wud do!!)" to "Instis change you and I'm not in the league of those from elite iits,nits or iims" and blah blah blah.This and that.But you know what the truth is - I'm plain jealous.

There's more to it.The acknowledgment of the fact that they did it and I didn't.I didn't lack either in opportunities or means.I don't have any excuses.I had my chance and I screwed it.Thats it.I defend myself to others ...sometimes to myself...but deep within I know the truth.

I remember when I'd first read Tagore's Lipika, I knew I would never make a writer ... not unless I could write like that and I wasn't sad.The world won't miss me.I stopped scribbling for a while but then I went back to it again.Sometimes just to vent my anger when I can't take it out on anyone.Sometimes just to pass time.Sometimes so that the thought wont go away.Sometimes 'cos I want to lock that feeling in paper so that I could relive it. I've my reasons to write.... maybe just for you to read!.....whatever!

So I'd continue with my ramblings,with my limited non-pursuer-of-mba/gre vocab.Bear with me if you want to.

Insomniac

I'm not a tad confused..I'm in a terrible state-one of utter confusion and chaos.
Suffering from insomnia from the last three days.I'm telling you...'tis a worst state...lights switched off...everyone around you sleeping peacefully....but not you....turning sides...imagining every possible thing to lull u to sleep....but,na...it wont come....time flows by....u suddenly hear the chirping birds....temple's bells....sweepers brooms swaying over roads in gentle sweeps.....and all this time u r praying desperately,waiting for sleep to come.Sleep meanwhile is amusing itself watching u twitch and twirl but it won't give in .... not till the wee hours of morning.

Lying there surrounded with darkness I can't elude from myself.It is as if someone's waiting and it attacks you brutally.Your mistakes confront you with a furor.And what can you do with it....you are helpless....you no longer try to evade the truth,your defences fall,ur excuses exhausted,and in dat darkness u take it all as it comes..... when you are bound to be answerable - - to ur own self.

But does accepting your guilt makes it any less.The loss it has caused...the past which is gone...the deed which is done...the words already said...wheels set in motion.The only thing left is the outcome,the result whatever it is-if it's to your liking or not.You don't have a choice here.

I make plans.On what I should do and I promise myself I'll do it.execute them this time...no more mistakes....

sleep comes...

dawn's past...

it's noon....

it's day.My defences have raised.I've got all my excuses in line.
And I continue with my life.

I say to myself,"I'm a human and to err is human"
Yet another excuse!

Hopeless case,can't help.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Watch out for these!!!


Movies(bollywood!) go by starcast rather than a good script as is seen lately.But somehow a movie with a good script will always find a chord.It may not be a hit but it does affect us.And ya we...here in bollywood....we make good movies (the number is less ) too.Not just song and dance and drama stuff but the real thing.
There are movies lesser known but those which mark their presence neverthelessly.I've not seen many of them ('cos its difficult to get hold of a copy!) but these few were really good.They aren't in any specific order as I remembered maybe.And I'm no critic.

To start with Deepa Mehta's trilogy Fire, Earth and Water - three movies each one as moving and as sparkling as how to use the medium of motion picture to reveal.Excellent movies,minute details taken into account.They possess that ability to move you.My personal favorite is Earth, just remembering it gives me shivers even today.It had a superb direction,actors couldn't have done more justice to the roles and rehmaan's music was additional touch.Water was no less, subtly shown which is in accordance with its title and yet evokes a cry.The best thing in both the movies was perhaps the point of view.Earth was told through the eyes of Lenny- an eight-year-old parsee girl.Similarly water had chuhiya- a seven-year-old child widow.Maybe as it was narrated through children....the facts were like they should....unadulterated....left for us to decide.There were moments of warmth as well well as chill.Definitely worth watching.

Aparna Sen's Mr and Mrs Iyer(won the national award) and 15 Park Avenue.I'm yet to see movies by this director.I've watched two and I loved them.Watch them if u've not.

Raincoat, Chokher Bali, The Last Lear ,all directed by Rituparno Ghosh were worth watching .Chokher Bali by Rabindranath Tagore,was portrayed quite effectively(but then I love Aishwarya!)....we find glimpses of poetry in many scenes.Raincoat was better of the two,feel film critics...but then I'm not a judge...I loved both.I'd read 'gift of maggi' , from which Raincoat was inspired and it was a good movie.Aish again and Ajay Devgan played the roles brilliantly and I fell in love with the songs by Shubha Mudgal.The more recent one,The Last Lear was yet another example that the directors weaves magic.Amitabh Bachchan,Preity Zinta,Shefali Shetty,Arjun Rampal...well....another good movie.

Monsoon Wedding, by Mira Nair.I've seen just one Mira Nair's and it was pretty good.Various issues taken into account.A good direction with a superb acting.

Anurag Kashyap is definitely worth watching out for.DevD with its so hatke script.loved it.And then there was Gulaal.Look out for Piyush Mishra's songs.Excellent screenplay.different form normal.

Other than these there were several other mainstream movies.Madhur Bhandarkar's
Chandni Bar, Satta, Page 3, Corporate were good eye-openers.

Welcome to Sajjanpur, Oye Lucky lucky oye were two very good watchable satires.

I also liked Rajkumar Santoshi's Damini and Lajja-pretty strong feministic movies.

Mitr-my friend(by Revathi),Astitva(Mahesh Manjrekar),Jaago(Mehul Kumaar),
Parzania (Rahul Dholakia),Being Cyrus were quite appealing.

I'll keep updating if I manage to watch more or remember any other.keep watching :)

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Devil's Advocate


I saw this movie today,'The devil's advocate'.It had an excellent starcast(Al Pacino,
Keanu Reaves and Charlize Theron)
and a more excellent script.

These were dialogues between devil and kevin(my favourite!)

************************************
God?

I'll tell you...

...let me give you
a little inside information about God.

God likes to watch.

He's a prankster.

Think about it.

He gives man...

...instincts.

He gives you this extraordinary gift,
and then what does He do?

I swear, for his own amusement...

...his own private, cosmic...

...gag reel...

...He sets the rules in opposition.

It's the goof of all time.

Look, but don't touch.

Touch, but don't taste.

Taste, but don't swallow.

And while you're jumping from one foot
to the next, what is He doing?

He's laughing his sick, fucking ass off!

He's a tightass!

He's a sadist!

He's an absentee landlord!

Worship that? Never.

***********************************************




no mor(e)teen


24th aug' 07


This birthday put an end to my "teen-age".So now I've stepped onto the(much awaiting,was it???) adult world - completely.My left foot's no more holding to the last vestige of childhood.And as I entered into this world I couldn't help reminisce the poem by Margaret Lawrence,"Am I a child or an adult?"

Am I a child or an adult ?
No ! Not a child now - my dolls are gone;
My dream world has rippled away.
I am tall, I understand adult talk,
But does that mean that I am an adult ?

Am I an adult or a child ?
No ! Not an adult – I couldn’t look after myself;
The understanding is just not there.
I pay a half fare on a bus to school,
But does that mean that I am a child ?

Am I a child or an adult ?
No ! Not a child now - it’s not a teddy I love;
His cherished position is taken.
Just because my toys have lost their value,
Does that mean that I am an adult?

Am I an adult or a child ?
No ! Not an adult - I do not see
The reasons for adult disputes;
I am safe in non- understanding.
But does that mean that I am a child?

Well, am I a child or an adult ?
No ! Not one or the other now;
One pace in front of childhood,
And one behind an adult.
Soon I shall stride into a new world,
The world of adult life.

Well,I'm no more in a confusion ,Miss Lawrence and sadly I'm wondering if I should ever have come out of that confusion.
na...I was pretty safe in non-understanding.


Back then,when I was in school,there was too much hype about teen-age.We were having all these counseling sessions and there was this fear(amongst teachers and parents!) of how to get us through that crucial adolescent stage.Though now I wonder, I never had any problem,in fact, I was waiting with a tinge of anticipation for whatever mysteries this - neither black nor white but not widout its fair share of grey(as we were told back then) - age was going to unfold.
I was dissapointed :(

It didn't even knock and exited as silently as it had entered.

And now what should I do - mourn for its passing away?

No...it doesn't deserve anything bleak but then what can I name it?

I'll tell you how I feel(though it sounds crap even to my own ears!).I feel like Arjuna completing my gurukul (I've not yet but I ain't getting any suitable word) and stepping into the world armed with my bow and quiver full of arrows thinking I could win this world.
I'm in a state of bliss...ignorant,unaware of the ordeals life has set for me.
There's an apprehension though ,and a faint hope that I may be saved ,that I may not be bound to trod into the kurukshetra. Comeon there is enough to do without that!
At least I don't wanna face my near and dear ones with arms.

But deep down a voice reminds-Isn't that supposed to be your karmabhumi(now where did this come from?)It spake thus,"You can try but u can't evade it."

And I cry....Help me out God.Ya ya I know I shouldn't be asking him....he'll help only himself.....history'll repeat...Krishna never helped Arjuna out.Nay...he didn't.

Leave it,I'll survive somehow.

Anyways the word "safe in non-understanding" has remained with me all these years.Though I wouldn't say I didn't love the growing up part.I learnt a lot and slowly through all these years(mostly the last three years) everything opened up with a much more clarity.Finally the sun was making its way through the fog and I was being embraced by a warmth-an understanding of and about so many things.

Suddenly I looked at at the world with a little less hate,a little more forgiveness...a little less anger,a little more patience...a little less mouth(ing),a little more ear(s)...maybe a little less love but loads n loads of understanding....

I stooped down a bit lower from superlative to comparative and in some cases positive degree.There weren't many bests and ya.. neither worsts but something good and many things better.I found many answers though they were not all perfect.No doubt many more questions arose...questions which were no more simple...and so I'd to optimize the solutions.I learned acceptance,I learned to adapt and blah blah blah....

And so ends another phase of my life.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Mere human tendency?


Many of us have heard of "The Rime of Ancient Mariner" by S.T.Coleridge.
Anyways one question that arises is,why did the sailor kill the albatross?
The answer which I was given-mere human tendency.The reason for killing the albatross was mere human tendency.He killed just 'coz at the moment he felt like killing or something similar to that.So,is killing a mere human tendency?A trait we 've inherited from our ancestors for whom huntlng was a source of livelihood.So,do we everytime have a reason,a reason sufficient enough to kill?

I remember an old story in my hindi book.It was called "Apna Apna Swabhav" or ''one's own nature''. Well,in that there was a saint who was bathing in river and a scorpion was floating away or drowning away.Now the saint took him in hand and started crossing the river.Now the moment the saint picked it up,the scorpion bit him.He dropped him and again held out his hand trying to save him.Again the scorpion bit him.And again the saint helped it.Thus it was after 4 stings that somehow they reached the bank and an observer asked him, "Why did u save the scorpion even though it continuously striked u?" To this the saint replied,"Apna Apna Swabhav" or 'coz its our own nature."The scorpion's nature was to bite and a human's nature is to save.So we both went by our own nature."

Both the stories contrasted each other and somehow being taught both I was confused as to what was or what should be human nature.

Today a cockroach peeped through the hole in bathroom and for a moment i hesitated on whether I should flush water & kill it.
But,just after a moment's hesitation I flushed water killing it and I wondered afterwards-why did i kill?
An ant's passing in our way.Take it in hand and crush it.Again why?Just like dat.But then we aren't killers(I don't think I am!).I took a stray pup as pet.I feed the birds in the morning .So then what exactly is human tendency?May be its both.Just like in Michaelangelo's carving in Sistine Chapel where the same kid who was sculpted for baby Jesus sat down while the artist carved Judas out of him.We 've both in us-the same human kills and the same human saves.


Well, mere human tendency!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Penned by a pen!


I' m not a calculating or close-fisted person by nature.But knowingly or unknowingly I'm just accustomed to practise certain habits which proove otherwise.

Like d other day while in class my friend's ballpoint (of pen) came off.
Now it was a Cello Gripper pen and I'll tell u one thing-Cello Gripper is to us as Reynolds was to our earlier generation. My father,mother,uncles-I've seen all of them using just one-Reynolds.They used the brand as if it was quality.

I 'member my earlier years when we had just started writing in pen.Oh! what a thrill it was then.Finally after some 6 years(till 5th class) of writing unceremoniously in those black graphites,we were allowed to use pen.Yes,back then it was an eager anticipation, another-reason-to-revel-in the glory of being able to write in a pen.From looking down upon our younger siblings who still used a pencil to showing off to friends-who had a better pen.It was all too much ado over a pen.Owning a Reynolds Jetter was 'something' - back then.Well, but then Reynolds itself was quality.My parents got me a Reynolds 045 and I was to write in that for almost 2-3 years(it was boring!).Though for Birthdays we used to get different varieties(sometimes gel pens!).I had the rare luck to get a Jetter too and I had preserved it as if it was an asset-but then it was!

With the passage of time I changed many pens as I penned many changes.Nothing used to appeal me for a long time means I used to change them frequently-some were just too thick (ball points), some were just too thin,some inks were too light & others too dark.So, I just didn't have any specific pen, like my uncle used to say "my pen", to the Jetter.There wasn't a simple brand that I could say was mine.

And then I stumbled upon cello gripper.Back then (in 9th/10th) it had started gaining popularity and I used it and it seemed all right.Though it took a while to win my heart.It was just right-means the 0.5 tip and the ink - ya,it was sort of perfect.The only thing was it looked pretty common but then it came in a humble price of Rs 7.00 wid its reefil just for Rs 3.00(now it's four!).So it stayed wid me ever since.I've used it for long and somehow I know how it feels to finally have a pen - 'my pen' - I'm comfortable wid it and a good feeling that it sort of understands me.

Well it was then and this is now.Almost 60% of my classmates use it and it is ya its a remarkable feat.It has proved its mettle and taken over Reynolds I can say.Also,it is pretty affordable.
But then there's one thing-its ball point.With those who are careless like me-its ball points comes off-a bit more easily.Though now I've got into a practice and it seldom comes off but still,for first time users or maybe just 'cos its pointed,it comes off.I used to face the problem when i had started using it and since then i always replaced the nib by another old one.I always used to keep in stock,the old,used refills just to use its nib if ever it broke.

I never knew what a ball in a pen was,I always thought it was the entire nib and then one day at tuition,when I'd said I had another ball,someone suddenly asked, 'How come you 've a ball ! ' and it was then that they showed me the tip was a ball.Perhaps,someone had guessed that I had not yet understood the concept fully,so the next day,there was an exhibit waiting for me.In a small piece of wax there was a tiny spherical object,very small,and that was the ball(ball of a pen).

So, just like that I've always had old refills in my bag and that day when my friend's ball came off and he was suddenly about to throw the refill,I told him ,I've a ball to replace it and sort of it proved by shrewdness but then it was just an old habit which has fortunately lived up ahead of its time.So I still take the ball(or nib!) with my teeth(Now-a-days I've learnt not to take the ink in my mouth!) and then very easily replace it.Well,such shrewdness...............hmmm!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

HUM vs TUM


Well, another issue has come up!
So,d thing is I've observed a thing and I'd cite it here just for the mere fun of it.

A pretty common phenomenon(here at least in bbsr)!

The moment I sit in an auto,I look into my bag for change,count the exact amount and have it ready so that I can hand it over d moment my stoppage comes and will get out.In fact most(if not all) of my species(female) do the same.We r always ready wid the change.

PRE-SCRIPTUM:This one is getting back at you cos you wrote how we take money outta ATM in steps!

Now take d case of guys:
Step 1-They sit in the auto (ekdum maharaja style!).
When their stoppage comes-
Step 2-Get out of auto.
Step 3-Take out their wallet(from their jeans pocket wid some difficulty!)
Step 4-Look for change in the small pocket of it.
Step 5-Oops no change!Hand a higher denomination(usually 50 or 100 for Rs. 6)
Step 6-Pocket the change and go.

And in the meanwhile if we r near a traffic the traffic has already stopped so we again have to wait for our turn!

So, just imagine u wud spare ur(not so precious),our and the auto driver's precious time if u cud just look into ur pocket and b ready wid the change! So,do a favour on us pls.......


NB-The reason I wrote dis today is, I missed my train today 'cos of such incident!!!

***********************************************************************************
Guy's point of view(as my bro reasoned)

There's some amount of difficulty involved in taking out money from their jeans pocket and obviously in auto where even the slightest movement of their hands will get them a glare or else a word or two from d gal sitting beside.

And the other thing is they don't have the slightest idea dat 'cos of dem someone's getting late or the traffic signal changes(It's cos de've never been delayed 'cos u know........we've change ready always!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

*************************************************************************************

I got a pretty interesting comment for this:

abhinav said:

Once there was loving couple traveling in a bus in a mountainous area.
They decided to get down at some place. After the couple got down at
some place the bus moved on. As the bus moved on, a huge rock fell on
the
bus from the mountain and crushed the bus to crumbs. Everybody on board
was killed. The couple upon seeing that, said, “We wish we were on that
bus” Why do u think they said that?

it’s not a stupid answer ——– purely logical


.

.

.

.

.

Come on think again……

.

.

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Come on try hard…..

.

.

.

.

.
If they had remained on the bus instead of deciding to get down, the
resulting time delay could have been avoided and the rock would have
fallen after the bus had passed…!!! Think positive in life always and
look for opportunities when u can help others.

keep lots of change in handy to help out the guys..
moreover, it might be that all the change in ur locality gets arrued in ur jholas oops purses.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Music vs Lyrics


Really there shoudn't be (vs) here 'cos both are sort of complement of each other.I've always had quite a penchant for lyrics, I'm a bit partial towards it but den I love good soft instrumentals too which creates an environ of peace,soothing....yeah.
I came upon dis dialogue by chance and it depicts d difference nicely.wanted to share it wid ya all.so here it goes:


"A melody is like seeing someone for the first time.The physical attraction.Sex.
But then,as you get to know the person, that's the lyrics.Their story.Who they are underneath.
Its the combination of the two that makes it magic."


Dialogues from 'Music and Lyrics' starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Apna Bollywood!


Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
definitely.We are 'Indian' by heart n soul. And so, chahe koi kuch bhi kahe,apna Bollywood'll always reign , even though we (an elite class which watches hollywood movies as well!) know dat they(apna bollywood) have got less substance (than their counterparts) and more of masala,over-dramatic tantrums and pretty exaggerated emotions,not to mention those who-gives-a-hell-bout-lyrics tracks. But even with all these vices they manage to emerge out victorious!

You know what, it's cos there is something (don't ask me wat 'cos i'm a victim too!), something that is wonder,beauty and magic blended together, add a few humorous dialogues, few emotional scenes (which would make us cry) and lo and behold bollywood reigns!

Maybe 'cos India is the land of spices so quite naturally our movies will have spices in somewhat regular quantities.And moreover we grew up watching these stuffs, identifying ourselves with those next-to-impossible romantic scenes. I watched movies like Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Hum Aapke Hain Kaun before I started reading Mills n Boons, so even though I love ball dances, candle light dinners, still there's a different magic in our very own sarson ke khets, white salwars, sea beaches.You remember the way Madhavan treats Dia Mirza in RHTDM, with paanipuri,taking her on cycle-very much Indian huh! And ya how can I forget that it was Bollywood who first put this notion into our head that rain is romantic (obviously our parents didn't teach us that!).

Sometimes I wonder whether these things taught us to dream or our dreams were portrayed in movies.It works both way round. So thats it, I love bollywood.
Oops! there are things one just can't leave........